Funeral
or Memorial Service Planning
Here is a list of many of the questions the pastor will likely be asking as plans are made for a funeral or a memorial service.
A. PRELIMINARY
QUESTIONS
1. What is the name
of the person for whom we will be holding the service: __________.
2. Their date of
birth: __________.
3. Their date of
death: __________.
(More questions about the person’s life are asked below.)
4. Who is the person
making the arrangements who can be contacted if there are questions?
· Name:
· Relationship:
· Phone:
· E-mail:
5. What are your wishes for the service
location and the kinds of services and their order. There are many possible choices:
a. Location for the funeral or memorial service
(Most people seem to expect that a funeral is a service where the casket or
urn is present; a memorial service is a service where there are no remains
present. The content of the service,
however, is not much different.):
· Church,
· cemetery or
mortuary chapel,
· cemetery graveside,
· other
location.
b. Kinds of services and their order:
· Funeral in
the church (or chapel) with the casket; burial following in the cemetery.
· Graveside
burial service at the cemetery; memorial service following in the church (or
chapel).
· Memorial
service in the church (or chapel) with the placement of cremated remains to
follow in the cemetery.
· Placement
of cremated remains in the cemetery followed by a memorial service in the
church (or chapel).
6. In the case of a cremation, will there be
special arrangements for scattering of remains?
(Be aware that state or
local laws may restrict where cremated remains may be scattered.
See http://www.cfb.ca.gov/funeral.htm#cremation)
7. Date of the
funeral or memorial service: ____________________
8. Time of service
__________ (Monday through Thursday if at all possible we schedule funerals
or memorial services at 4:00 PM or later.
State law prohibits adults from sharing the bathrooms being used by our
preschool children.)
9. Will there be a
reception? If yes, where? If the reception will be at the church, the
pastor or someone from Helping Hands will make contact to discuss
the kind of reception desired (meal, dessert, etc.)
With your help the will put together a meaningful
funeral or memorial service, using the information you provide:
10. The Book of Life
(in other places this is called the eulogy).
Will this be a part of the service?
If yes, who will be speaking:
Do you wish to have the pastor invite anyone present to
speak?
11. What passages
from the Bible do you want to be read during the service:
12. Are there
special hymns that you would like to be sung?
13. Would you like a
special musical offering?
14. We generally
prepare worship folder for services in the church. The pastor will show you the choices we keep in stock for you to
choose from.
15. Will pallbearers
be needed for the service? Names?
16. Will a guest book be provided by the mortuary or cemetery?
17. Will there be an obituary appearing in the
paper? Will it include a photo? If no, do you want a photo to be included in
the worship folder we prepare?
20. Was the person
baptized? In what church tradition?
21. Was the person
married? The year?
22. Was the person a
veteran? Branch of service? Will there
be military honors at the church or cemetery?
23. Who are the
survivors to be named in the service?
24. What was the
person’s occupation?
25. What were the
person’s hobbies/other interests:
26. Other personal
information (special honors or accomplishments, memberships in organizations,
etc.).
27. There is no cost to use the church facilities.
28. If an organist plays for the service, the expected honorarium is $125.00.
29. If a soloist sings for the service, the honorarium should be in the range of $50.00 for one song, $75.00 for two. Be sure to honor additional work that may be required to prepare for the service and extra work, for example, serving as own accompanist.
30. If Helping Hands arranges a reception following the service, the family is invited to make a donation to help cover costs.
E. HELPING
HANDS
31. Helping Hands is the Mount Cross service group that assists the pastors and the church when funerals or memorial services are scheduled. They primarily assist with the reception at the church following the service. They will also assist by greeting those who have come to the service and attending to some of the details inside the sanctuary, such as the arrangement of flowers.
F. FLOWERS
32. When the service in the church will include the casket, it will be covered with a large white cover (called the pall) which is emblazoned with a cross. This white covering echoes the white baptismal garment that may have been worn or given at baptism. It reminds us that we are wrapped up in the righteousness of Christ and for that reason only are we fit for heaven. If flowers to cover the casket have been purchased, they will be placed on a nearby table during the service in the church. If an American flag is to drape the casket, it will be removed when the casket enters the church and replaced when the casket leaves the church.
33. When flowers are delivered for a memorial service, the director from the mortuary or a member of Helping Hands will arrange them so that they look nice and do not block lines of sight in the sanctuary. The family should look over the arrangement of the flowers and indicate whether any should be moved to a more prominent location.
34. If at all possible, please make arrangements to take the flowers to the cemetery, to the reception or to the home or homes of family. We will not usually display the flowers from a memorial service in the front of the sanctuary on a Sunday morning. The altar flowers for Sunday services are usually smaller arrangements and it would not be appropriate to overpower them.
35. If the flowers need to be left at the church, we will do our best to break them down into smaller arrangements and distribute them to hospitals, schools, nursing homes, etc., so they do not go to waste.
G. MEMORIAL GIFTS
36. Sometimes the request is made, “In lieu of
flowers, memorial gifts may be made to…”
Please feel free to specify your church or community service agencies
(hospice, for example) as the recipient of these gifts.
37. When memorial gifts are received by the church in the name of the one who has died, one of the pastors or the memorials committee will discuss the use of the funds with the family. Possible uses for memorial funds include:
· Gifts to the Mount Cross Endowment Fund. One of the nice things about these gifts is that the principal is never used up; it joins with other gifts to generate interest income that is used for special ministries and projects.
· Gifts to purchase special needed items for the sanctuary or the church.
· Gifts to further certain ministries or activities (for example, scholarships for camp or preschool).
38. Many times families want to remain at the gravesite or the place of interment until the casket has been lowered into the ground and perhaps even covered with earth, or until the urn is placed and its niche closed. In almost every case the directors at the cemetery will accommodate your wishes.
39. Most families are probably unprepared, however, for how these tasks are actually accomplished. In every case those who work to place caskets or urns in their final resting place will be khaki clad groundskeepers. When a grave is filled in after a service has concluded, shovels are not used; it is a noisy backhoe that does the work. In the case of the placement of a casket in a mausoleum or an urn in a niche, the worker has to apply a seal from a caulking gun. In short, the work that has to be done may not be as spiritual or reverent as one might have hoped. For some this very down-to-earth activity is helpful for closure, but that may not be true for all.
Revision of 2/8/07